Over it and On with it with Christine Hassler

EP 118: Navigating the Mother-Daughter Relationship with Kristin

This episode is about self-honoring choices, ultimatums, and jealousy in mother-daughter relationships. Todays caller, Kristin, is looking for guidance in how to proceed after her mother gave her an ultimatum. We also look at the compensatory strategies Kristin has adopted in an effort to deal with things from her childhood.

[For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode118]

What is a self-honoring choice? A self-honoring choice is an honest choice rooted in truth that comes from love. Kristin felt she was always in competition with her mother. She became a perfectionist as a compensatory strategy because she felt that she could only receive love if she was perfect. Through her growth work, she is starting to make self-honoring choices for herself.

What are you passionate about? What you are passionate about is often a tie into our spiritual curriculum and our parents are part of that curriculum. Remember, we choose our parents as our teachers. When our parents dont see us for who we truly are, it can seem cruel. But, part of our soul journey is to heal from past cruelty.

What do you long for from your parents?

Be sure to check out Coaches Corner. Last week I talked about ghosting and flaky behavior, the week before I interviewed Jill about selling skills and I even answer questions. So, if you have a question for me, email assist@ChristineHassler.com.

Consider/Ask Yourself:
Is there someone in your life you are not speaking to or have a strained relationship with?
If you grew up with two parents, was one more challenging for you to get along with or close to?
Do you tend to be attracted, date or marry people you feel you must earn their love?
Do you know what self-honoring choices are? If so, do you make them regularly?

Kristins Question:
Kristin would like to know how to approach her mother about a recent ultimatum.

Kristins Key Insights and Ahas:
She was in an abusive relationship.
She made a self-honoring choice.
She was always in competition with her mother.
Her mother was passive aggressive.
She yearned for attention from her mother.
Her parents had a horrible relationship.
Her existence triggers her mother.
She chose her mother.

How to Get Over It and On With It:
She should keep working on herself and stay strong to break the pattern of contorting herself to make her mother feel better.
She should realize her mom may not be able to face her issues.
She should continue making self-honoring choices.

Takeaways:
Where are you not making self-honoring choices because you are trying too much to please people?
And, where are you not making self-honoring choices because you are trying to be the bigger person vs. speaking your truth?
Why did you pick your parents and what are they here to teach you?
Let go of who you want your parents to be. Accept the fact that if your mother or father truly saw what they needed to see about themselves in order to give you the apology you crave, it might break them.

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Resources:
Christine Hassler
Christine Hassler Podcasts
Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler
@ChristinHassler on Twitter
@ChristineHassler on Instagram
Assist@ChristineHassler.com

00:38:58 12/13/2017

Past Episodes

Amir Zoghi is a longtime friend who continues to inspire me to live freely and be the fullest expression of who I truly am. He is an international speaker, author, teacher, entrepreneur and now pilot and aviation business owner. In this Coaches Corner, we talk about how to deal with negativity, following your feelings (or intuition), what intuition really is and what it is not, and mindset. This is an incredibly rich conversation that I encourage you to feel, not just hear. Learn more about Amir and his programs at www.amirzoghi.com
00:56:30 4/21/2018
This call is about is about getting out of your head and listening to your heart, especially after an Expectation Hangover like a divorce. This call with Emma is a great example of the struggles of someone who is stuck in their head and emotionally stressed. Her question is about gaining clarity and her next steps but she can't get clarity as long as she stays suppressed. [For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode136] It takes a lot of strength to stuff away our feelings but if we really want to hear our heart we have to be willing to be vulnerable. All of us have things from our past that were challenging and some even traumatizing. A huge part of getting on with the life we truly want is to get over the life we've had so far. We don't do that by sweeping the past under the rug like Emma is attempting to do. Why does suppressing emotions and sweeping our past under the rug create confusion? First, it takes a lot of energy to avoid your feelings. It makes it hard to relax and to listen to the voice of your intuition. Clarity, guidance, and insight come during quiet and relaxed states. If you are using energy suppressing or distracting yourself from feeling, keeping busy and staying in your head it's difficult to hear your inner wisdom. Second, your higher self or soul wants you to wake up. It wants you to heal and feel. Often, the clarity on your next steps won't be revealed until you heal. If you relate to this call you need to let go of the belief that you can't access your heart. Give yourself permission to make more heart-based choices. Stop telling yourself you can't hear your heart or your intuition. If you keep telling yourself that you will keep believing it. Also, if you can relate to putting walls around yourself to protect yourself know that it is also keeping love and connection out. Make it safe for yourself to start taking those walls down and become connected to your heart. Email Jill@ChristineHassler.com to receive information on my upcoming retreat in London. And, would you like to get face-to-face, free coaching from me? Contact Jill about the live-on-camera sessions coming up in May in San Diego! Consider/Ask Yourself: ? Are you confused, seeking clarity about something? ? Do you feel blah ? perhaps even depressed? ? When difficult things happen, do you try to be strong and get over it? ? Do you make decisions more with your head than with your heart? ? How are you with your feelings? Do you actually feel them or do you rationalize them, get over them and hope they go away? Emma's Question: Emma wants guidance about her next steps after a divorce. Emma's Key Insights and Ahas: ? She split with her husband because they had different goals. ? She made the decision not to have children. ? She suppresses her feelings. ? She makes decisions based on her head, not her heart. ? She felt lonely as a child. ? She's not sure she knows what love is. ? She feels that crying is bad. ? She fears intimacy. How to get over it and on with it: ? It's time for her to make heart-based choices. ? She should get Expectation Hangover and work through the emotional section. ? She should work with a professional counselor. Assignments and Takeaways: ? Check out Equine Therapy. ? Get out of your head and stop trying to figure things out! ? Acknowledge if you are a suppressor. Consider getting a coach and getting a guide or a counselor. ? Start journaling every day or talking to other people about your feelings. Get involved in something that helps you shift your energy. ? Give yourself permission to take a vacation from trying to figure things out. Sponsor: Havenly ? helps you create beautifully designed spaces with an interior designer based on your unique style. Take the freestyle quiz and get the guaranteed best prices when you order direct from Havenly. Use the link above for 25% off your first design package. Daily Harvest ? Super easy to prepare, organic, plant-based, healthy food delivered to your door. Use promo code OVERIT to get 3 free Daily Harvest cups added to your first box. Resources: Christine Hassler ? Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com ? For those interested in being on the show
00:39:30 4/18/2018
In this episode of Coaches Corner Christine teaches you how to truly let go of what you want. She explains why to get what you want, you have to not want it. Learn how attachment to results happens and why it actually sabotages what we truly desire.
00:08:59 4/14/2018
This call is about is about procrastination and self-sabotage. Today's caller, Angela, believes she puts things off and sabotages herself but as you will hear in the call it is really about her feeling safe and her fear of being seen. [For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode135] We don't sabotage ourselves or procrastinate because we are weak or unmotivated. There is some payoff that keeps us safe. No matter how much we want something in our present-day self and no matter how much we are committed to a mission, if some part of us thinks that accomplishing our mission is a threat to our survival, then our mission takes a back burner to the survival instinct that is keeping us safe. Sometimes it's the people who have felt different who make the biggest difference. If you felt different, alone, like you didn't fit in or that you didn't belong, consider it an important part of your journey to making a difference. The difference you make may be in a big way as a coach or a teacher or it may be in a more intimate way. You may be a different kind of parent, employee, or citizen. We all make differences in a unique and special way. Often, it is the struggles that made us feel different that prepare us to make the difference we are here to make. Our higher wisdom will always call us toward people, pets, and opportunities that give us the opportunity to embody and express the qualities we don't think we have but do have. Would you like to become a masterful, profitable coach? Join me in Sydney, Australia on April 14th & 15th to fast-track the success of your coaching business. Visit Christine's Master Class for more information. I am also holding a one-day Women's Retreat for 10 women on April 13, 2018, in Bondi Beach. It's a condensed version of my signature retreat. Email Jill@ChristineHassler.com to sign up. Consider/Ask Yourself: ? Are you a procrastinator? Do you put things off or try to perfect them and hold off on getting things out there? ? Do you find yourself self-sabotaging? Do you take five steps forward but then four steps back? ? Do you deal with anxiety? Especially when it comes to being seen. ? Growing up did you feel different like you didn't fit in and all you wanted to do was be normal? Angela's Question: Angela wants to know how to move past her repeating patterns of procrastination and self-sabotage. Angela's Key Insights and Ahas: ? She feels anxious about being seen. ? She doesn't believe in herself. ? She is embarking on a career as a health coach. ? She lost both parents at a young age. ? She didn't feel safe as a child. ? She didn't feel "normal." ? She felt ashamed of her family. ? She is self-conscious. ? Her inner child doesn't feel safe. How to get over it and on with it: ? She needs to make herself feel safe. ? She needs to discover her inner mother. ? She should become compassionate with herself. ? She should learn to be present with herself. ? She should sign up for an improv class. ? She should write her parents an "I wish" letter. ? She should redefine what being safe means to her. Assignments and Takeaways: ? If you engage in procrastination and self-sabotaging behavior, look at the payoff you receive from it. When you find the payoff, you can figure out how to get the same payoff in a healthy, more updated way. ? If you are afraid to be seen because you don't feel safe, redefine safety. Make sure your definition of safety includes other people. ? If you had parents you feel were physically, mentally, or emotionally disabled in any way, consider why your soul picked them to be your parents. ? Do improv or something that gets you seen and out of your comfort zone. Sponsor: Care.com ? is an easy and reliable way to find care for everyone in the family when and where you need it. Care.com gives you access to 8.6 million caregivers across the country. Local caregivers are nannies, sitters, housekeepers, senior care, dog walkers and more. Sign up for free and post a job. Background checks and reviews are available. Save 30% off a Premium membership when you subscribe at Care.com/OVER. Resources: Christine Hassler ? Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com ? For those interested in being on the show
00:36:44 4/11/2018
Shawn Stevenson is a bestselling author and creator of The Model Health Show, featured as the #1 Health podcast on iTunes with millions of listener downloads each year. A graduate of The University of Missouri - St. Louis, Shawn studied business, biology, and kinesiology, and went on to be the founder of Advanced Integrative Health Alliance, a company that provides wellness services for individuals and organizations worldwide. Shawn has been featured in Entrepreneur magazine, Men's Health magazine, ESPN, FOX News, and many other major media outlets. He is also a frequent keynote speaker for numerous organizations, universities, and conferences. To learn more about Shawn visit TheModelHealthShow.com Link to the episode of Shawn's pod cast we discussed: TMHS 278: Daily Self-Care & 8 Signs That You Need To Move On From A Relationship https://tinyurl.com/ycj3z942
00:49:45 4/7/2018
This call is about is about reconnecting with our younger self and practicing real self-love. Today's caller, Andrea, can't get a guy out of her head. Is she following a pattern that started in her childhood? [For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode134] If an ex is still taking up real estate within your head it's probably not the person. There is something deeper within you that is begging for your attention and love. In a relationship, we have to use discernment to know what is really a deep connection. Oftentimes, what we think is a deep connection is really infatuation and a positive projection. When we are getting to know someone we need to take off the rose-colored glasses. If you are feeling a deep connection to another person make sure you are also feeling a deep connection to yourself. Don't get lost in the hormones of infatuation. We must connect to the parts of us we have shamed or disowned and commit to having a more loving, nurturing relationship with ourselves. Sometimes, we are scared of our own emotions but what about vulnerability? We don't have to power through our emotions. It's not weak to be vulnerable. It doesn't make us a victim. Being vulnerable is incredibly courageous and powerful. Go slow, be with your emotions and be compassionate. So many of our emotions in our adult life stem from our childhood stuff. If we continue to power through our emotions we attract experiences that try to trigger them so we can finally feel them. Would you like to become a masterful, profitable coach? Join me in Sydney, Australia on April 14th & 15th to fast-track the success of your coaching business. Visit Christine's Master Class for more information. I am also holding a one-day Women's Retreat for 10 women on April 13, 2018, in Bondi Beach. It's a condensed version of my signature retreat. Email Jill@ChristineHassler.com to sign up. Consider/Ask Yourself: ? Is there an ex or anyone else that you have had a difficult relationship with and you can't get them out of your head? ? Do you have the same kind of relationship patterns and the same results in relationships? ? When you were younger did you often feel bullied, duped, left out, or isolated? ? When you try to connect to younger parts of yourself do you feel silly? Do you find it hard? Is it difficult for you to do? Andrea's Question: Andrea is looking for guidance as she tries to get an ex out of her head. Andrea's Key Insights and Ahas: ? She hadn't connected with someone so deeply before. ? She is looking for someone to grow with her. ? She doesn't feel worthy of love. ? She was bullied as a kid. ? She judges herself. ? She feels disconnected from her younger self. ? She is nourishing her body with food instead of overeating. How to get over it and on with it: ? She needs to nurture her younger self and tell her that she is capable of being loved. ? She needs to reconnect with the part of her that feels ashamed and alone. ? She should stop dating for a while. ? She should attend a Mastery course. ? She should check in with her little girl every day. Assignments and Takeaways: ? Start a communication with the younger parts of yourself. Get a picture and talk and write to yourself. ? Take a pause from dating or doing things that reinforce the pattern that you want to break. ? If you can't get over an ex, see it as an alarm that triggers you to pay attention to yourself. ? Sign up for my Mastery class coming up in May. Sponsor: TrueCar ? Are you looking for a new or used car? TrueCar will show you the real price of the car you want to help you feel confident you are paying the 'true' price. It makes buying a car a quick and easy buying experience. Resources: Christine Hassler ? Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com ? For those interested in being on the show
00:38:06 4/4/2018
Rick Hanson (New York Times bestselling author of Hardwiring Happiness and Buddha's Brain) is known for a trademark blend of neuroscience, positive psychology, and mindfulness. Listen in as Christine talks to him about hacking our brain, healing trauma, and beneficial experiences that are essential for our mental health. Check out Rick's new book RESILIENT to learn how to overcome the brain's built-in negativity bias and tap the hidden power of everyday experiences to weave calm, contentment, and confidence into the fabric of their nervous system. In RESILIENT Rick presents a scientifically grounded program for developing twelve inner strengths that foster lasting happiness in a changing world. He shows readers how to grow and use mental resources such as grit, gratitude, compassion, and motivation to manage hardship and push through challenges in the pursuit of opportunities.   Visit Dr. Hanson's website: http://www.rickhanson.net/ Get his new book: https://www.amazon.com/Resilient-Grow-Unshakable-Strength-Happiness/dp/0451498844/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1522280910&sr=8-1&keywords=resilient+rick+hanson
00:56:34 3/31/2018
This call is about is about reclaiming your sexuality and getting over body issues. Today's caller, Heidi, has felt shame about her sexuality since she was a child. During our conversation, I coach her through how she can feel safe in her body and how she can experience pleasure. [For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode133] Being connected to our bodies and experiencing pleasure is important. There are a lot of therapies that help people move past eating disorders and to fall back in love with their bodies. But, sexuality is a part of the therapy that is often left out. When we don't experience sensual or sexual pleasure or we disconnect from our body and are not satisfied we attempt to fill the void with food for satiation. For some, the only way to feel safe is to enforce some kind of control over their bodies which may create a body image issue or an eating disorder. We can store emotional pain in our reproductive organs just like we store tension in our shoulders. And it is common for many women to experience pain during sex or sex doesn't feel good to them. It is natural for human beings to want to experience pleasure. So, start introducing pleasure in ways that feel safe with you. We don't need to know the specifics behind our fears in order to heal ourselves and move on. Would you like to become a masterful, profitable coach? Join me in Sydney, Australia on April 14th & 15th to fast-track the success of your coaching business. Visit Christine's Master Class for more information. I am also holding a one-day Women's Retreat for 10 women on April 13, 2018, in Bondi Beach. It's a condensed version of my signature retreat. Email Jill@ChristineHassler.com to sign up. And, I am joining Dallas Travers for the 1st annual 6 Figure Coach Summit to assist coaches in their purpose of healing the world through the work they do. Starting April 9th, a free online conference for Coaches featuring 20 mini Master Classes. Go directly to Six Figure Coach Summit or email Jill@ChristineHassler for details. Consider/Ask Yourself: ? Do you have any body image issues? Have you had an eating disorder in the past or are struggling with it now? ? Were you raised in a very strict, religious, or repressed home? ? Were you shamed as a child or teenager? ? Do you experience pleasure in your current life? ? Do you enjoy sex? Could it be better? Heidi's Question: Heidi wants help healing her body from an eating disorder. Heidi's Key Insights and Ahas: ? She sabotages herself and reverts to old patterns. ? She battles anorexia. ? She rarely felt safe as a child. ? She always tried to please her father. ? She felt shame around how she looked. ? Her family is very religious. ? She has disconnected from her sexuality. How to get over it and on with it: ? She needs to unlock her sacred sexuality. ? She should look for healers to help her. ? She should put more intention into her sex life with her husband. ? She should indulge in self-pleasure to feel safe in her body. Assignments and Takeaways: ? If you have been dealing with an eating disorder or body image issue take an inventory of how much pleasure you have in your life. ? You don't need a partner to experience pleasure. Create pleasure dates with yourself. ? Somatic therapy, Pelvic Floor Therapy, Dancing, Tantra are all ways you can heal and help yourself to enjoy being in your body. ? Put more intention into your sex life. Sponsor: THIRDLOVE ? What if you could take the away the hassle of bra shopping and find the perfect fitting bra in minutes? Take the fit finder quiz to find your perfect size, even if it's a half size. They have over 60 bra sizes! Use the link to get 15% off the first purchase of your favorite bra. Resources: Christine Hassler ? Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com ? For men interested in being on the show
00:47:37 3/28/2018
In this episode of Coaches Corner, Christine is the one who is interviewed. Listen in as she answers all kinds of questions about her life, intuition, relationships, and lots more. Attend one of Christine's upcoming trainings either in Sydney, Australia or San Diego, CA Sydney event: https://www.primalhealthcoach.com/sydney-masterclass-2/ San Diego event: http://christinehassler.com/coachtraining/
00:37:07 3/23/2018
This call is about identifying and overcoming the blocks to help you step fully into your business. Today's caller, Katie, wants to know how to overcome the fear and perfectionism that is blocking her from building her new life coaching business. We discuss the root of the fear that is holding her back because it doesn't matter how big our vision is. We can't bypass our fears until we heal the root of the fear. [For show notes go here: Christinehassler.com/episode132] Coaches and people on a personal growth path with a lot of awareness tend to judge themselves harshly because they feel they should they should know better. It's important to let go of the pressure and be tender with ourselves. When self-love has high stakes, it's hard to get momentum because we are protecting ourselves from ourselves. We sabotage ourselves because we are afraid to move forward and fail in any way. We should accept ourselves where we are now, change our internal dialogue, and allow our internal perfectionist to calm down. Tell your inner perfectionist it is OK to be vulnerable. You don't have to be perfect. Invest in yourself. Be your own best client and come together with your tribe. To build a soul tribe you need these elements: ? A coach or healers to provide guidance and support who coach you in a healthy way. ? Mentors to go to for advice and encouragement. ? Peers and a support team to ask for help, to celebrate with, and if need be, cry on their shoulders. ? People to serve and give back to. Would you like to become a masterful, profitable coach? Join me in Sydney, Australia in October to fast-track the success of your coaching business. Visit Christine's Master Class for more information. I am also holding a one-day Women's Retreat for 10 women on April 13, 2018, in Sydney. It's a condensed version of my signature retreat. Email Jill@ChristineHassler.com to sign up. And, all Coaches and Therapists can join me on June 30 and July 1st in San Diego for a workshop designed to assist both experienced and new coaches to take their coaching business to the next level. Email Jill@ChristineHassler for more information or visit Coach Training. Consider/Ask Yourself: ? Do you want to start a new business or make a change but feel blocked by fear? ? Do you relate to being a perfectionist? ? Were you raised by a parent who had high expectations of you and now you internalize those expectations? ? Do you feel connected to and supported by a soul tribe you can be yourself and completely vulnerable with? Katie's Question: Katie wants help to move past her fear and create the business she's always wanted. Katie's Key Insights and Ahas: ? She has a vision but fears moving forward. ? She comes from an immigrant background. ? She was taught to play it safe. ? She is protecting herself from herself. ? She desires the support and encouragement of her mother. ? Her mother placed high expectations on her. ? She experienced and was taught scarcity. ? She was taught not to be weak. ? Her perfectionism has served her and protected her. ? She wants to tap into her spirituality. How to get over it and on with it: ? She should have compassion for herself. ? She needs to build her soul family to support her. ? She should flex her receiving muscle. ? She needs to find a new source of motivation. ? She should set up two chairs and coach herself as she would a client. Assignments and Takeaways: ? Don't make your perfectionist wrong. Look at how it has served you. ? What is the fuel that drives your motivation? Inspiration and your why is better than expectations and perfectionism. ? Write out the way you want to mother, father, or coach yourself. You need the voice of a loving coach inside. ? Build your soul family. Sponsor: Freshbooks is easy-to-use cloud accounting software for self-employed professionals. Freshbooks helps you master your business with online payments and project management options. Receive an unrestricted 30-day free trial, just in time for tax time by using OVERITANDONWITHIT in the how did you hear about us section. Daily Harvest ? Super easy to prepare, organic superfoods delivered to your door. Use promo code OVERIT to get 3 free Daily Harvest cups added to your first box. Resources: Christine Hassler ? Join the Free Over It and On With It Community Christine Hassler Podcasts Including Coaches Corner Christine on Facebook Expectation Hangover, by Christine Hassler @ChristinHassler on Twitter @ChristineHassler on Instagram Assist@ChristineHassler.com ? For men interested in being on the show Coaches Corner: Lessons on Self-Love
00:50:55 3/21/2018

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